A heart on my sleeve, tears on my face.
Not wanting to waste my pain.
Endless days of trying, hoping, waiting,
And yet I'm here. Still here.
Why do I wait so long to let go?
Life is moving but it's slow.
Gone in circles, carousels, coasters rolling,
And I'm still at the start.
Broken and tested, bruised and tired.
They say pain brings strength.
Where is mine? Bitterness, battles
Seeing my sin still.
I open my mouth, burdens are moved.
Why didn't I speak sooner?
Little loads feel lifted, lighter.
Still a small cloud of shame.
Sorrowful soul, seeking to be set free
I want for many things.
Savior, take and turn them, touch me
I need to be still.
I fight with words.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Lifelong To-Do List
My brother and sister-in-law are preparing to move to California. As part of the packing process, they are getting rid of a lot of items. Last weekend I acquired Kellie's collection of Real Simple magazines. Yay! They always have a section called "Your Words" where readers write in to answer a question posed in a previous issue.
The one I was reading asked for 3 things from the readers' lifelong to-do list. It got me thinking, and it's tough to narrow it down to 3 but here's mine:
1) Pen a book (non-fiction or fiction)
2) Learn to play the violin
3) Attend a film festival (perhaps Telluride or Sundance)
You'll have to check back with me in about 40 years to see if I've accomplished them. Hopefully it won't take me that long...
The one I was reading asked for 3 things from the readers' lifelong to-do list. It got me thinking, and it's tough to narrow it down to 3 but here's mine:
1) Pen a book (non-fiction or fiction)
2) Learn to play the violin
3) Attend a film festival (perhaps Telluride or Sundance)
You'll have to check back with me in about 40 years to see if I've accomplished them. Hopefully it won't take me that long...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Corona Street
In a quiet neighborhood in the heart of Colorado Springs sits Corona Street. Each time I pass this road, I am compelled to turn north to a particular home on one of its corners. A peaceful white home with green trim. It looks like an ordinary house, but it is a strange source of inspiration for me.
Every summer during college, I returned home for break. One year, my roommate, Heather (also from C.Springs even though we were both going to school in Omaha), was house sitting for our former high school history teacher. I often visited her at the home she was staying, and we watched movies, made food and basically lounged around in the evenings. The first floor of this house has wooden floors which have always been intriguing to me since it makes me think of old houses with a lot of character. Its large counter in the kitchen made it easy to pull up a stool for a conversation and the basement is filled, absolutely FILLED with books. It's like the house had a sense of wonder within the walls. I can't help but smile when I think of it.
This last Wednesday morning I was driving toward downtown for our Ash Wendesday service at Shove Chapel. About five minutes from Corona Street, I began to pray. My heart is especially heavy these days for reasons I won't elaborate on in this post, and I found myself uttering "Lord, I am SO tired....," and it was as if He answered back in a whisper, "I know, my child, just a little bit longer...."
Shortly after that conversation, I passed my street of inspiration. I remembered that a couple of weeks before, I had inadvertantly been weaving my way around the neighborhood in search of the nearby Safeway/Starbucks (yep, Jeff needed a latte...) and had nearly driven past THE house. When I got home, I looked up a TV show Heather and I had been hooked on that summer to see when exactly we had hung out there. It was 2000.
Huh, 2000. That is strange. I remember it being a wonderful summer filled with fond memories. Are you sure it was 2000? I looked at the screen again. Sure enough.
2000 was a year full of pain and sorrow. My parents had just divorced, and I had broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I spent the summer trying to erase the hurt. How is it that through a difficult time all I can pretty much remember from a 3 month span of time is the house?
See, I believe it was a gift from God to ease my sufferings and make my troublesome valley bearable. He gave me Corona Street. I don't know what gift He is giving me right now. I don't know what piece of inspiration I will cling to when I look back on this hard time our family is facing. I do know that He sees the struggles, and He gives us unrecognizable pieces of hope to move us on our way.
Every summer during college, I returned home for break. One year, my roommate, Heather (also from C.Springs even though we were both going to school in Omaha), was house sitting for our former high school history teacher. I often visited her at the home she was staying, and we watched movies, made food and basically lounged around in the evenings. The first floor of this house has wooden floors which have always been intriguing to me since it makes me think of old houses with a lot of character. Its large counter in the kitchen made it easy to pull up a stool for a conversation and the basement is filled, absolutely FILLED with books. It's like the house had a sense of wonder within the walls. I can't help but smile when I think of it.
This last Wednesday morning I was driving toward downtown for our Ash Wendesday service at Shove Chapel. About five minutes from Corona Street, I began to pray. My heart is especially heavy these days for reasons I won't elaborate on in this post, and I found myself uttering "Lord, I am SO tired....," and it was as if He answered back in a whisper, "I know, my child, just a little bit longer...."
Shortly after that conversation, I passed my street of inspiration. I remembered that a couple of weeks before, I had inadvertantly been weaving my way around the neighborhood in search of the nearby Safeway/Starbucks (yep, Jeff needed a latte...) and had nearly driven past THE house. When I got home, I looked up a TV show Heather and I had been hooked on that summer to see when exactly we had hung out there. It was 2000.
Huh, 2000. That is strange. I remember it being a wonderful summer filled with fond memories. Are you sure it was 2000? I looked at the screen again. Sure enough.
2000 was a year full of pain and sorrow. My parents had just divorced, and I had broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I spent the summer trying to erase the hurt. How is it that through a difficult time all I can pretty much remember from a 3 month span of time is the house?
See, I believe it was a gift from God to ease my sufferings and make my troublesome valley bearable. He gave me Corona Street. I don't know what gift He is giving me right now. I don't know what piece of inspiration I will cling to when I look back on this hard time our family is facing. I do know that He sees the struggles, and He gives us unrecognizable pieces of hope to move us on our way.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I have a life (sort of)
So, I know, I'm not so good at the regular blogging thing. I wake up every morning at 5am and am struck with multiple brilliant ideas for blogs on my way to work. (The sun is still not up at this point.)
The drive home from work is another story...hmmm... "Dinner ideas? Do we have any more bread for lunches or do I need to stop at the store? Oh yeah, Jeff needed me to get an oil change...darn it, we need to get our tire checked to see if it has ANOTHER nail in it" (I now know all of the managers at Discount Tire at Dublin and Academy because we've been living there for 2 months: Jeff, Michael and Jason. I'm thinking of inviting them over for dinner some evening.)
By the time 8 o'clock rolls around, I'm exhausted and laying on the couch, not wanting to even glance at the computer. (I admit I do check my facebook page when I first get home but that is generally mindless.)
I'm also aware that I have now become one of the least cultured persons in America. With intentions to read "Girls Gone Mild" by Wendy Shalit, plans to work on a couple of book ideas, and grand schemes to visit art museums on the weekends, I have resorted to watching TV. I have a favorite show each night of the week:
Monday - One Tree Hill
Tuesday - Fringe (hard to give up Scrubs but this one wins)
Wednesday - Lost
Thursday - The Office & 30 Rock
Friday - Supernanny
Pathetic, I know. Please don't hold it against me. I'm hoping that this is just a season!
With all of this said, I do have one regular hobby: new pilgrim press. (I know you're all sighing with relief that I'm not a total loser!) We meet at my house every Wednesday night for meetings. (Yes, this means I must watch Lost on the internet now). The work we are doing on npp is my passion, encompassing so many of the things I love and long to spend my life doing. If you have a chance, please check out our Web site: http://www.newpilgrimpress.com/go/.
Someday, I will spend time telling you about the history of npp and how I got connected. For now, feel relieved that I actually wrote on this page and join the almost 200 subscribers to new pilgrim press!
The drive home from work is another story...hmmm... "Dinner ideas? Do we have any more bread for lunches or do I need to stop at the store? Oh yeah, Jeff needed me to get an oil change...darn it, we need to get our tire checked to see if it has ANOTHER nail in it" (I now know all of the managers at Discount Tire at Dublin and Academy because we've been living there for 2 months: Jeff, Michael and Jason. I'm thinking of inviting them over for dinner some evening.)
By the time 8 o'clock rolls around, I'm exhausted and laying on the couch, not wanting to even glance at the computer. (I admit I do check my facebook page when I first get home but that is generally mindless.)
I'm also aware that I have now become one of the least cultured persons in America. With intentions to read "Girls Gone Mild" by Wendy Shalit, plans to work on a couple of book ideas, and grand schemes to visit art museums on the weekends, I have resorted to watching TV. I have a favorite show each night of the week:
Monday - One Tree Hill
Tuesday - Fringe (hard to give up Scrubs but this one wins)
Wednesday - Lost
Thursday - The Office & 30 Rock
Friday - Supernanny
Pathetic, I know. Please don't hold it against me. I'm hoping that this is just a season!
With all of this said, I do have one regular hobby: new pilgrim press. (I know you're all sighing with relief that I'm not a total loser!) We meet at my house every Wednesday night for meetings. (Yes, this means I must watch Lost on the internet now). The work we are doing on npp is my passion, encompassing so many of the things I love and long to spend my life doing. If you have a chance, please check out our Web site: http://www.newpilgrimpress.com/go/.
Someday, I will spend time telling you about the history of npp and how I got connected. For now, feel relieved that I actually wrote on this page and join the almost 200 subscribers to new pilgrim press!
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