I am not supposed to be home in sweatpants right now.
In fact, just this morning, I was across town with a lovely
group of women retreating in the upper level of a coffee shop. But the call
came for me to pick up a sick little girl from school. So off I went.
Initially, I was very disappointed and frustrated about the
turn of circumstances.
See, today is no ordinary day. Today is a day of
celebration. Our pastor is becoming a bishop this evening, and there is a full
schedule of activity planned for the clergy in our network.
For me to get our family ready to attend events today, there were
babysitters to call, schedules to make, bags to pack, and work to push through
so I could have one day off. I was so looking forward to being with other
clergy and their spouses throughout the day.
But, as usual, life circumstances happened. I got sick
earlier this week, which made working hard, and I finished a lesson at 4:57pm
last night, instead of the 3pm I had hoped for. I was a bit frazzled as I shuffled
off for a network dinner last evening.
Now poor Kyla is lying on our couch. She’s disappointed too
because she was looking forward to having fun at a friend’s house while we were
at the service tonight. I was able to find a relative to watch Kyla tonight so
I will still be able to attend the service, which is good.
But here I am in sweatpants for the moment.
And I can’t help but reflect on the utter battle this week
has felt like. I have been trying to faithfully pray for our pastor and our church
during this transition. I just want to take a moment to say I have never been
under a church leader like our pastor, Ken. He has no desire for control or
manipulation. There is grace and freedom in the way he leads. I am so grateful
for his leadership. I can’t even express it fully here in
this post. And I think there is no small thing afoot now that he is taking over
a whole network of churches. Really. No small thing.
I wasn’t much aware of spiritual warfare until these last
couple of years. Now I can see it. I can sense it, and it is here this week. I
am amazed at how quickly discouragement or frustration set in, and how the
enemy can twist and destroy and steal.
Today kind of feels like it could be stolen easily. I’m
tearful about missing the meetings this afternoon and wonder where the week
went. All my careful planning feels like it was in vain. My selfishness is
showing, I know. But it’s hard to be at home sitting when I want to be lunching
with people I rarely get to see.
However, I think maybe this is exactly where I’m meant to
be. Kyla is feeling better. At least emotionally. She’s not so sad anymore about
leaving school or missing out on going to our friend’s. You should have seen
her sitting in the office alone waiting for me to get here. My mommy heart felt
so sad for her as I gave her a big hug and walked her to the car. Now she’s
curled up on our couch, and I am serving her instead of being served.
Plus, now that I am home, I am not so concerned about
details anymore. There are no more to take care of. I am going to use the time
to just be. With my little girl. With my heart and with my God as I pray for
tonight. For all involved. For the days ahead and for the work that is surely
to take place among a group of people I am growing to love. At the dinner last
night, we had a prayer time. The Holy Spirit was there. I could feel Him.
The sense of being exposed or vulnerable to attack was
absent, at least for a little while. Those moments deserve to be cherished. For, we
can’t stay in those places. We gain encouragement so we can be sent out to do
the work that needs to be done in spite of likely and imminent attacks.
So I pray for tonight. I pray for that same Holy Spirit
soaking. I pray for God’s hand to be on our leadership. I pray for our hearts
to be listening when He moves. I pray for us to be able to continue working in
grace and freedom that comes from the True Source of all grace and freedom.
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