The whole moving to Kansas things got started with a Facebook discussion on noodling. I made a (joking) comment about it having something to do with pasta. (It has nothing to do with pasta! Google it.)
A few minutes later, I received a private message from a children’s pastor who was an acquaintance at the time through my job. She mentioned that her church in Overland Park was looking for a couple of pastors and wanted to know if Jeff might be interested in one of the positions. They specifically wanted someone who was just out of seminary or about to finish. This fit Jeff perfectly at the time. (He was 17 credits away from graduating from Denver Seminary.)
So, we got in touch with a main contact given to us. Jeff shared with her that we were focused on church planting specifically. What we heard is that the church wanted someone to come be on staff for a year to lead the small groups. But that the plan was for this individual (well, both individuals they were hiring) to church plant soon and they would raise the team for the plant and give them the funds to plant.
I was unsure. I mean…moving to Kansas? Meh, maybe. I do like the Midwest and had visited KC several times while in college in Omaha. We played sports against a Bible college on the KCMO side. (That’s Kansas City, Missouri. The other is KCK, and it stands for Kansas City, Kansas. I learned quickly when I moved there! Ha.)
We shared the information about the opportunity with our then pastor (now our Bishop). He was excited for us and said, “When an opportunity like this comes up, you go!”
Strangely, other trusted individuals in our church and circles were coming up to us saying the same word: “Go!” I would ask them if they were talking to each other. They said they hadn’t and that this is what they heard when they prayed for us. I, too, heard “Go” while lying in bed one night.
So we prepared to do that—to GO.
We flew to Overland Park for interviews and meetings. Jeff shared many emails and phone calls with the person hiring him from the church (who would be his boss). She seemed to have a jovial spirit. I admired her leadership as a woman in the church.
Jeff was offered the job, and we put our house up for rent. We loaded a truck. Then pulled a trailer on the back of that truck because we ran out of room on the truck. (Underestimated the size due to how many books we have!)
And off we set, going east on I-70.
Just inside the KS border, Kyla said, “I don’t see anything. You said the place would have buildings." Hahaha! I assured her it would and held my breath we wouldn’t break down. Have you ever been on I-70? There’s barely anything there!
About halfway through KS, I got a call from Jeff. He was very upset. Our contact at the church blew up at him over the phone because we left CO late and wouldn’t make it to the service on time early the next morning. I guess she had arranged to introduce us and the other couple coming on board(?)
There was nothing we could do at this point. But my heart sank. What in the world was going on?
****
We got to town too late to check into our townhouse. The property management office was closed so Jeff’s boss got us a hotel room. She said she would come by in between services the next morning to pay our room bill for us. We waited and waited. Finally, we paid it ourselves and drove over to the townhouse.
As many ministry jobs do, this one started off well. There were many, many kind people in our new church! I liked so many people on Jeff’s direct ministry team. They set to work getting Jeff enrolled in classes (as they said they would help him find a way to finish seminary even though we weren’t near Denver Seminary anymore).
But about a month in, I opened the bulletin and a 20/20 Vision brochure fell out. (Be honest…how many churches had those in the last decade? How are they going now? is the question. Hooray for 2020!)
We had received one of these brochures when we visited prior to accepting the job. But this one was different. The goal of “Church Planting” had been removed.
This concerned me, and I pointed it out to Jeff. We tried not to let us get too upset.
Unfortunately, it was just the beginning of some really confusing and hard events. For us and for the church too.
****
Jeff was ordained to diaconate (became a deacon—a step in the process of becoming a priest) in early October of that year. We had been in KS for about six weeks.
I hadn’t met the wife of the other new pastor. Our understanding based on what we’d been told was that we would be planting with them and I wanted to get to know her. I approached her with just a little bit more enthusiasm than I would just a parishioner because “we were in this thing together!” right?
Uh. No. Don’t think so. She looked at me like I was nuts. She didn’t seem to have the same understanding I did.
I sat down a couple seats over and thought. WHAT.IS.HAPPENING?
A few weeks after that, Jeff’s boss went MIA.
Only a couple people knew where she was. I understand totally that she needed a break. I think she was dealing with some personal things. I’m wasn’t necessarily upset with her. But I was baffled that no one stepped in to help Jeff or the other new pastor. They were left on their own to figure out what they should be doing and neither of them knew too many people in the church at the point. Confusion set in.
Another month went by and we heard rumblings about some problems within the whole denomination. Jeff asked what it was and the answer he was given was odd. It didn’t seem like the kind of issues that would upset this many people so much.
Jeff’s boss returned. We went to CO for Thanksgiving. Jeff met with our previous pastor and found out the real reason for the rumblings. I’m sure the answer he had been given in KS was just to keep people from being too upset, especially if it all turned out to be nothing. The original answer wasn’t really a lie. More like a very, VERY small piece of the BIG part.
(Please know that in leadership, sometimes you give small answers, as a parent does for a child. It’s part of shepherding and I get that.)
But then, there it was in the first part of December. The denomination was splitting.
It was disheartening. And it brought up a ton of questions for clergy. In Anglican world, it’s proper to remain tied to the Church of England. A person breaking off was making that hard to impossible. It caused a crisis for many clergy.
And it certainly caused that for the leadership and Bishop we were under at that time. The Bishop went back and forth about who to follow and how in the larger Anglican world. This unsettling lasted for a couple of months. And when a decision was made, it became obvious that the church was on a different path than we were for how to remain Anglican.
I will say this a million times. It wasn’t a them vs. us thing. It was “they feel called here and we feel called there.” Prior to the main leader splitting from the umbrella that held us all, it wasn’t a problem. Now it was.
We prayed for clear answers as Winter turned into Spring. Lent happened.
And some other things were becoming obvious to me. I was invited to a “soul healing” group. I went to one of the members for prayer (about personal stuff, not the church stuff). And the whole time I was being prayed over, I actually felt as if I was being oppressed, like something was on my chest, trying to squeeze the life out of me. Jeff was there for the session, just observing.
When I got to the car, I was crying SO hard and told him, “I am NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN. SOMETHING WAS WRONG.” I later found out a group of people from the church were following the ministry of Andrew Wommack (actually based in Colorado). That made sense to me!! I don’t even know what to say about that man. I’ve pulled up his website and *shudders*…there is something not right there.
So…there was that group operating. (And I believe they weren’t out to hurt anyone. Lovely people. They were simply operating with what they had been taught and told by that outside uh….voice…?)
Another dynamic was that another clergy member had gotten their degree from a non-Anglican seminary. One that was focused on one specific denomination. I don’t think one HAS to go to an Anglican seminary. (Den Sem isn’t one….) But some of what they said and preached reminded me of the legalism I had experienced as a child.
I remember one teaching vividly….
It started off in the morning. We are (still to this day!) really good friends with a couple we met right after we arrived. We clicked immediately. (So much so that we are thinking of getting a plot of land to all retire on together. Kidding…well, maybe!! )
The husband had been in the morning service. I often sat in the coffee shop area during the morning services and then listened and attended the evening service. There were various reasons for this, but it helped me be available for Jeff, my kids, and people in the church who simply need a listening ear if I sat in one place in the hustle and bustle of the morning.
Jeff had sat down next to me for a few minutes in between running around and got a text from our friend. It said, “Has Becca heard the sermon yet?” Jeff told him I would hear it in the evening. He said, “Ok….let me know what she thinks.”
I forget the sermon topic that day but it was during Lent so it was on sins and confession and repenting and all that goodness. (I actually have an appreciation for confession. Have taught a whole class on it.) This evening it was straight up law and shame. The teacher said, “If you aren’t turning off your television to go out and witness to your neighbors, then you don’t really love Jesus!!”
OH. OHHHHHH. NO, SIR. I put my hands into a fist and my entire body tightened. I couldn’t stand for the final worship song. Anything after that line was a blur. When we were dismissed, I ran….RAN to our Ford Explorer. Jeff grabbed the girls and ran after me.
We got in the car. I distinctly remember waiting until all the doors were shut and I effing lost it.
Like screaming, crying, F words, S words, hitting the steering wheel. The girls started to cry. I couldn’t help the tirade.
Why does nearly every church I go to do this to people in the name of Jesus!?!?
(The only church that hasn’t done that from the pulpit has been International Anglican
Church. Oh, there have been individuals there in the 15 years. But the teaching and leadership speak of grace, goodness, and love. They don’t skirt sin. But they don’t use it to bash either. It’s spoken of in the appropriate terms and in the appropriate tone. But I digress…..)
We stopped at Taco Bell because there was no way I was going to cook dinner once I got home that evening. Our friend texted us, “How is Becca?” Jeff texted back, “Well, currently crying and cussing.”
And that kind of describes the rest of our time there. I calmed down, of course. But it was hard to shake all of what had happened at this point.
After Easter, Jeff talked with a main pastor about his options. The pastor shared that he desired Jeff to stay on staff, if possible. He acknowledged Jeff’s gifts in leadership and preaching. Jeff asked about the whole church planting thing. The pastor didn’t know what we had been told prior to being hired, that it had been emphasized to us so much. He said he didn’t know when the plant would happen and that a portion of the church wasn’t in favor at the point so that’s why it was removed from the literature.
There was a lot of miscommunication mixed with the denomination mess. In the end, we decided to depart back to Colorado Springs.
I am now nine years removed from that situation. I can honestly say that I still believe that God sent us there. I would embrace any individual from that church, and I have forgiven those who hurt us. I also believe the hurt wasn’t intentional. It was a product of a crisis and a lack of identity when some strings were pulled apart there.
I still cheer for this church from afar. They did eventually church plant, about six years later. We know the pastor of the plant and he’s great. I was especially grateful for his wife. She was so kind to me and our family when we were in KS.
Additionally, I could see from afar that a change was made to right what had been wrong in the miscommunication we received on the front end of moving there. It was a subtle change. But to me it spoke of humility and a desire of that community to move forward in a new and different way.
For me, nine years later and several churches later, I’ll take it. And I thank God for the opportunity of Overland Park.
(I tried to intentionally be vague on people and names. I have no desire to hurt any individuals or churches with this post. And know that I wrote it from my perspective of the events. Some details are hazy nine years later...!)
